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Oct. 7th, 2016 @ 02:43 am 襪子乳酪
by the time my cat is nine
i think she'll be four
but who knows four shore?
the apocalypse is coming
but the retards are prepared to blame the left
the nuke button could be their left nipple
but when trump pushes it
they'll be licking alex jones' cunt
go ahead sir, yes,
you can decapitate me if it means another vote
to keep the rich rich
to get the oceans boiling
we'll get busy blaming hillary:
a meaningless nobody
hate is trendy
and so convenient
hey it was worth making a few bucks
shoving the planet down the garbage disposal
lol south park
yeah keep up that trendy hate
it's what tards do best
19 years of monkey urine
and you still lap it up
Mar. 18th, 2015 @ 12:38 am 襪子乳酪
Mar. 17th, 2015 @ 09:25 pm 襪子乳酪
The USA considers it "fair and balanced" to allow republicans in elections.


I should allow ebola and tapeworms into my digestive system in the interest of balance.

Mar. 17th, 2015 @ 09:21 pm 襪子乳酪
Why have I used facebook for the past several years? I mean wow. It must be my attachment to depression. Ah well, time for a change I guess.

I got free wine today. Also, the quietude out there today is really bizarre. I like to moose.

Jun. 1st, 2013 @ 12:02 am 襪子乳酪
So I goes to help Dildo Haggisbrains set up the awning for his camper. One of the hollow aluminum beams comes smashing down on my cranium and his wife Hoss shrieks, "If'n it were an iron beam, it woulda crushed yer skull!" Then DH accuses me of not even trying. Then I get into some fucking argument with Hoss about whether or not he pulled on one of the beams in 1967, or some shit. I took a wooden baseball bat and beat both of them to death with it. I shrieked at their corpses, "HEY, IF IT HAD BEEN AN ALUMINUM BAT, YOU'D REALLY BE SORRY NOW, WOULDN'TCHA, FUCKERS!??" Later on, the spirit of Hoss bemoans not being more abusive to her children when she had the chance, and there is a distinct ecto-urine smell coming from what used to be her bedroom.
May. 17th, 2013 @ 01:33 am 襪子乳酪
The oldest known rocks on Earth are dated as being far less than five billion years old. This gives the idea that anachronism is not only worthless, but nonexistent. If you get too old, you just get eaten by the universe. Yet there are idiots here in the hallways of our emirate who insist on running Windows 98 but want to play a game that requires three gigabytes of RAM. I'll bet they didn't have problems with people like that six billion years ago, when everyone was a mind-being half an atom wide and didn't need nourishment or any other resource in order to have fun being an immortal sock puppet.
May. 7th, 2013 @ 03:03 am 襪子乳酪
Spent the whole day waxing the roto-rooter. Jim Haggis came over and laughed at my suicide note collection. I quickly didn't have time and forgot about everything until 11 pm, where I started to think it was still five o'clock. After that, I found myself collecting eggs in the fishtank.
May. 6th, 2013 @ 02:18 am 襪子乳酪
After a fifth of cheap vodka, I fired up the arc welder and melted my skull. I don't think mommy will notice, because it has nothing to do with common sense. IF IT AIN'T WHOLESOME & SENSIBLE, THEN FUCK YOU, BARCLAY! I'm craving my tonsils now. Too bad I mailed them to an idiot on an oil rig. Also, I fixed spacetime so it won't squeak. I didn't need the arc welder for that; I used an old Atari video game cartridge. Qbert, to be exact.
May. 4th, 2013 @ 02:02 am 襪子乳酪
The four-hour conversation with UltraTard (my mother) about how a fertilized egg is more sacred than the woman carrying it makes me want to click my heels and sing in the rain.

Actually no. But it kind of makes we want to stick my head in a chipper shredder.

Someone, just poke my throat with a knitting needle.

And the typewriter that I picked up today... I could have sworn that key wasn't pushed down before. A thin strip of metal is missing underneath, preventing the key from working. I thought I lost it outside when I brought it in (in the dark). I went and searched with lights. I can't find it.

I love how my life is composed entirely of hogshit. I hope it just gets worse.
Mar. 21st, 2013 @ 02:06 pm 襪子乳酪
I did it! I found coffee that isn't scary bitter squidgarnish! It's TASTY! Sumatra mandheling. Very light in color, and not harsh at all. Delicious!

And Section 8 arrived without incident. And I have nearly 50 dollars! And it's sunny! Got to get out today!!!
Mar. 20th, 2013 @ 10:08 pm 襪子乳酪
I should just get a stoopid keyboard that isn't dark, so I can inscribe Burmese characters onto it.

Section 8 inspection tomorrow. I hope I remember to clean my stovetop. It's scary.

I was going to get a keyboard stand from storage today, but shirked it. Maybe I should do that tomorrow.

I've had tenesmus all my life. I don't like it.

I wish I wasn't so alone.

I wish a lot of things. Like, I wish this apartment was bigger than a candy corn. Imagine, actually having a place for everything. I should call the landlord tomorrow, to find out there aren't any empty apartments in the building.

I'm too tired to take pictures.
Mar. 19th, 2013 @ 07:55 pm 襪子乳酪
I haven't tasted straight coffee since I was young. I could not remember the taste at all.

I tried an Asian bitter melon once. It was icky. But I remember I improved the taste with salt. Not great, but not quite as barf-q.

So today, I bought my first coffee maker ever. And filters. And (le duh) coffee beans.

And well... Coffee with salt isn't my thing.


I still want to experiment with this. Since I'm basically brand-new-all-over-again to this flavor, I feel challenged to find something (non-sweet!) that will work.

I think I've had enough coffee for today though. That was my first real dose of caffeine in years. CENTURIES! Even though I probably had the equivalent of less than a cup.
Jan. 28th, 2012 @ 03:50 am 襪子乳酪
i just realized, earlier tonight, that I, in dreams, often am floating about a foot off the ground as I mobilize around. Either that, or I have the illusion that I dream this often.
Jan. 27th, 2012 @ 10:32 pm 襪子乳酪
Jan. 27th, 2012 @ 05:40 pm 襪子乳酪
dar's dis girl, i was friends for a long time, but then i discover she's white supremacist (you know, the kind that insists they're not, in other words, most white folks) so i call her on it and i still send her silly messages, despite my better judgment, and she no want none of it. she hate me lots! just like i get most anyone to hate me. always different reason. it's funny when everyone hates you, but none know of all the others that do the same thing. if they all met each other and discussed their hate for my corpse, they'd combust in impossible confusion. hello. ASS.
Jan. 27th, 2012 @ 05:09 pm 襪子乳酪
i'm don't wanna it die!! (at least not like that)
Jan. 27th, 2012 @ 04:26 pm 襪子乳酪
lonely is the hamster... without... road cones...
Jan. 27th, 2012 @ 03:45 pm 襪子乳酪
oilier today i forked over 39 bucks for the privilege of talking to folks on an international dating site (wait, aren't they all international?) ... not smart, I suppose, but hey, I need friends. del fiddlefungus
Jan. 27th, 2012 @ 04:22 am 襪子乳酪
i'm still trying to figure out why i've been using facebook for the past 75 years. anyway...

nothing all that amazing going on right this second. unless the fact that i'm breathing amounts to... square ham.

i'm old. wahoo!
Feb. 11th, 2011 @ 06:53 pm 襪子乳酪
Dec. 29th, 2009 @ 03:21 am 襪子乳酪
i oopdayteed my prophile.

be frends with me all over again!

well fine ok you don't HAVE to, nobody's breaking your arm
Aug. 4th, 2009 @ 01:39 am p o i n tless
i want to put my landlord in a meat grinder, holy fuck is he a sack of sawed-off qwunt

this month i am determined not to fork over any of my food stamps to candace, i don't care how much she flashes herself at me

i hate everybody

and yet, i wish i had people to talk to
Jul. 27th, 2009 @ 04:25 pm 襪子乳酪
dear universe:

i'd rather be in a coma.
people who think aids is funny should be injected with it.
malcolm x kicked serious ass.
do they really have to play huge disco music downstairs?
Jul. 22nd, 2009 @ 09:41 pm 襪子乳酪
From the smallest personal act, to the largest planetary decisions, these things proceed entirely within one basic goal: that the safety of the wealthy and powerful elite must be kept intact. Since this shall always remain true, I hope that by the time this message is readable that there is indeed no one left to read it. The general population may learn to peacefully coexist, but the rulers will always retain power over the population. Slavery has always been and always will be, an idiotic reality, so long as humans (and their descendants) exist.

Jul. 19th, 2009 @ 10:22 pm 襪子乳酪
i just ruined two lighters by trying to burn garlic skins. i have so many things in life to be happy about but the happiness never lasts because i'm alone. alone meaning, nobody, NOBODY wants to just plain hang out. did this completely die out? is "hanging out" extinct, reserved only for rednecks? my fortune cookie lied to me. sorry doctor, i have RETARD CANCER.
Jul. 17th, 2009 @ 06:22 pm just waiting around to die
so i went to littleton for the 98th time in the last 3 minutes. i hate reality. failing okcupid for the foopienth time.
Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 03:24 am I'm learning about EARTH!
Stranger: Ask me five random questions. If you are from /b/, have a distended anus free of charge.
You: from the moon?
Stranger: YES
You: ok i have a question
You: although i'm afraid it's not entirely random
You: I was talking with someone NOT, i repeat NOT sexually and i told them i'm 38 and they screamed PEDOPHILE!!!! so my question, is .. ...... WTF????????
You: do people have ONLY sex in their craniums?
You: ok i guess that's 2 questions
Stranger: Well, since you talk like you're 12, I'm pretty sure the easiest assumption here is that since you refuse to use capitalization and proper punctuation, you're trying to pass off as a child, to endear yourself to other children. Except when you dropped the "I'm really an adult" bomb, they freaked out, because they were probably under the assumption that you were, in fact, 12.
You: hm that's odd
You: i talk like i'm 12? HAHAHAHAHAHA
Stranger: Yeah. Note the lack of proper capitalization and punctuation. And you used an abbreviation, in all caps, followed by a shitload of question marks.
You: I don't believe this occurred in the chat in question.
You: well ok maybe the lack of capitalization
You: ok definitely
Stranger: I'm not sure what you said in there, but you're going to need to shape up your text if you want to pass for anything older that 12.
You: You mean once I turned 13 (when internet didn't even exist), I was to graduate to using proper capitalization and punctuation in common, informal internet communications?
Stranger: By "pass for anything older than 12" I meant "look like you're 38, instead of making people think you're a pedo-trap."
You: yikes. what a weird planet. I'm supposed to ACT 38 at all times? Isn't that a bit, um, strange?
Stranger: You're supposed to pretend to be 38, but inside you're supposed to be 6 and 60. And you have to be alive. Which is something most people forget anyways.
You: i had no idea this existed....... "Typing in such a way as to pass as one seeking underage sex"
You: I'm learning about this planet already!
Stranger: Not sure how long you've been around the internets or where you hang out, but usually people who type that way are Creepy Adults or Little Kids Trying To Pass Off As Adults.
You: Hear, hear on the alive bit.
You: Eh. Maybe I've been on the internet so long that these undercurrents are too new for my radar. I would say this is quite likely.
Connection asploded.
Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 03:01 am i can't make this stuff up
Stranger: hi
You: hello
You: ok i want to know something
You: maybe you can help
Stranger: what?
You: i was just talking to someone right
Stranger: right
You: and i was NOT, i repeat, NOT looking for sex of any kind
You: in fact the conversation was silly and funny
You: ok
Stranger: ok
You: then when i told them i was 38, this person called me a pedophile. my question is..............
You: WTF??
Stranger: do you want to do sex?
You: NO
Stranger: why?
You: i don't do internet sex
Stranger: i was talking about real life sex (:
You: no that's ok
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 02:53 am wtf?????
You: Hello
Stranger: Hello may I sample your cheeses?
You: the magical golden singing cheeses?
Stranger: why yes
You: sorry the cat's eaten it
Stranger: thats propostorous
Stranger: you must surely keep your cheeses in a confined area where animals such as that can not get ahold of it!
You: you can even ask Air Neptune
Stranger: Do you know what this means?
Stranger: Your a criminal.
Stranger: A murderer!
You: i mashed carrot with broom straw. i didn't mean it maw!
Stranger: *slaps you* THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH
Stranger: You need to get your ass up and choke hold your cat!
You: weasels are cute
Stranger: Yes they are
Stranger: May i sample your meatloaf?
You: but pygmy marmosets are the way to go
Stranger: Indeed.
You: i wrote a song about meatloaf
Stranger: Id love to hear it
Stranger: Clip my toenails and sing it to me.
You: i should upload it to qbert.gov
Stranger: You should
Stranger: Maybe you could get famous
You: too late for that
You: well sort of
You: i'm a washed up punk rocker turned noise artist with a record coming out!
You: or something
Stranger: yay! :D
You: yeah i can't believe they want to do a double LP of my shtoff
You: i mean seriously, what are they thinking?
Stranger: They must be drunk
Stranger: On the magical singing wine
You: and yes i'm one of those vinyl geezers
You: Tree geezer hunting!
Stranger: How old are you?
You: you promise not to tell granny?
Stranger: Promise
You: i'm....... 38 going on 23
Stranger: *blows whistle*
Stranger: LIAR
Stranger: PEDOFILE
Stranger: AHH!
Stranger: *sprays mace*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 01:43 am 襪子乳酪
Stranger: Hello mate
You: hello how are you?
Stranger: Doing good
Stranger: Yourself?
You: ok i suppose
You: what is your mission?
You: grape donuts?
Stranger: My mission?
Stranger: To live long and prosper
You: with a dose of Andy Kaufman? a) yes b) no c) ape steam
Stranger: I don't know
Stranger: I think andy is alive and playing us all for fools
You: hmm could be
You: want to hack into snopes and make their homepage EWTN? let's go!
Stranger: Sorry bro
Stranger: I can't hack
Stranger: I wish i could :(
You: me neither. i have perfect pitch though. also i'm color blind
You: and once i used a shovel
You: and i am NOT Broom Hilda
You: or wait
Stranger: Dude how much LSD did you take?
You: i was born with timothy leary's brain in the glove compartment
You: not to be corn-fused with dennis leafy
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Jul. 8th, 2009 @ 06:06 pm 襪子乳酪
i just got called a fucktard.

when my messenger program opens up, it logs in Candace also. someone from her list messaged me. i didn't realize it was someone from her list. then about 10 lines into the conversation, i let her know my error and was dubbed a fucktard.

what's really interesting is that this same person was added to my account (no doubt by candace), implying a distinct possibility that candace talked to her from my account.

i'm pretty sure i know what a fucktard is. i'm pretty sure they don't. stupid americans and their need to feel better than others. i still have hope in North Korea nuking this town.
Jul. 4th, 2009 @ 03:06 am 襪子乳酪
i am obsessed with the hunt. experiencing things seems to be nothing to me, at least not for long. sick. wrong. help.
Jul. 4th, 2009 @ 01:34 am nuke the USA
it's impossibly fucking stupid how SKIN TONE and SPEECH ACCENT is SO IMPORTANT to so many goddamn white motherfuckers.
Jul. 3rd, 2009 @ 06:14 pm 襪子乳酪
people come to this country from all corners of the globe
how can anyone think this is anything short of AWESOME?
fuck your xenophobic, nativist dogshit

well except of course, the native americans should probably deport 99% of us...
Jul. 2nd, 2009 @ 02:31 am 襪子乳酪
nobody likes to be silly anymore
everyone is hard-boiled, hard-assed
people are so hung up on how old a person is
nobody gives a fuck that we're all human beings
there are still a few of us whose main goal isn't sex, money, or power
i hate people