Stranger: Ask me five random questions. If you are from /b/, have a distended anus free of charge.
You: from the moon?
You: ok i have a question
You: although i'm afraid it's not entirely random
You: I was talking with someone NOT, i repeat NOT sexually and i told them i'm 38 and they screamed PEDOPHILE!!!! so my question, is .. ...... WTF????????
You: do people have ONLY sex in their craniums?
You: ok i guess that's 2 questions
Stranger: Well, since you talk like you're 12, I'm pretty sure the easiest assumption here is that since you refuse to use capitalization and proper punctuation, you're trying to pass off as a child, to endear yourself to other children. Except when you dropped the "I'm really an adult" bomb, they freaked out, because they were probably under the assumption that you were, in fact, 12.
You: hm that's odd
You: i talk like i'm 12? HAHAHAHAHAHA
Stranger: Yeah. Note the lack of proper capitalization and punctuation. And you used an abbreviation, in all caps, followed by a shitload of question marks.
You: I don't believe this occurred in the chat in question.
You: well ok maybe the lack of capitalization
You: ok definitely
Stranger: I'm not sure what you said in there, but you're going to need to shape up your text if you want to pass for anything older that 12.
You: You mean once I turned 13 (when internet didn't even exist), I was to graduate to using proper capitalization and punctuation in common, informal internet communications?
Stranger: By "pass for anything older than 12" I meant "look like you're 38, instead of making people think you're a pedo-trap."
You: yikes. what a weird planet. I'm supposed to ACT 38 at all times? Isn't that a bit, um, strange?
Stranger: You're supposed to pretend to be 38, but inside you're supposed to be 6 and 60. And you have to be alive. Which is something most people forget anyways.
You: i had no idea this existed....... "Typing in such a way as to pass as one seeking underage sex"
You: I'm learning about this planet already!
Stranger: Not sure how long you've been around the internets or where you hang out, but usually people who type that way are Creepy Adults or Little Kids Trying To Pass Off As Adults.
You: Hear, hear on the alive bit.
You: Eh. Maybe I've been on the internet so long that these undercurrents are too new for my radar. I would say this is quite likely.